Second Redneck on the Internet
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: This is a parody of Vampira's fic, Computer Diaries Aren't Always Safe, or sommat like that.


Hehehehehe... Once again I shall parodize someone elses fic. And, for the first time, I'll be using one of Cledus T. Judd's songs for the base of the fic. And so, as GoNRA! (I'm only using the name for this parody, and NRA stands for 'National Redneck Association'), I will write a parody of Vampira's 'Computer Diaries Aren't Always Safe.' Or is it 'Computer Diaries Aren't Always Private'? Well, it's one o' the two. Anyways my parody is titled 'Second Redneck On The Internet.' Cledus' song is titled 'First Redneck On The Internet', for your information. So I'll begin now in the same manner that Vampira began hers....  
  
First Redneck On The Internet  
By: GoNRA!  
  
Anime Series: Gundam Wing  
Roman Ants (Romance, Roman Ants, what's the diff?)  
Lime... Lemon... Aw, hell just gimme a sprite, it's got both of 'em. I dunno whether there'll be lime, lemon, orange, apple, or even banana.  
Sour A.I. (Crabby computers engaging in homosexual acts...)  
Spoilers: Some moldy orange peels and some bread that was left out waaaaay too long  
Parts: The left arms connected to the right knee, the left ears connected to the noooooose...  
Pairings: The orange socks are in the top drawer. Wait... I don't have orange socks... What are those?  
Rating: I give it an A+  
Story Blurb: Blurble blurb blurbedy blurbled blurbablurbaburburb  
  
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to my good friend GroundPigeon, who didn't exist until now  
  
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing, and all characters, trademarks, and everything else associated, belong to ME!!!  
  
Warnings: I cannot tell a lie, I was only the second redneck on the internet  
  
  
Duo walked into the bathroom that he and Heero shared. "Hi, Heero." Duo cheerily greeted his friend who was sitting on the toilet. "Hi, Duo." Heero replied. Then he jumped into the air and his eyes went wide. "What are you doing in here?" Heero asked. "Me? Well, I... I just had a sudden urge to come in here and stare at you. That's all." Heero glared at Duo, and Duo sighed and stepped out of the bathroom, muttering an apology as he left. Duo wandered around the apartment they shared for a while, and then decided to go in the bedroom. Once there, he sat on the edge of the bed and looked under it, hoping to find something entertaining, but all he found was a rather large wolf spider which jumped onto his hand, and Duo, being an arch-of-Pheobe, was afraid of spiders, and so he jumped into the air, similar to the way Heero had done moments ago, tossed the spider from his hand, and it landed on Heero's pillow. Duo, while running around the room screaming "EW EW EW!!!", knocked a book off a bookcase near the bed, and the book crushed the spider, crippling it.  
  
Duo picked up the book, the spider moved, and Duo ran from the room with the book still in his hand, and he sat down in the living room and began to read it, willing to do anything to take his mind off the spider. He heard a door open, and Heero exited the bathroom, and went to their shared bedroom to resume typing on his laptop computer. He picked up the laptop and sat down on his pillow, where he began to type. After a few moments he noticed an odd sensation coming from his butt. He assumed that the spandex shorts he was wearing were causing it, and ignored it. When the feeling didn't go away, he stood up and looked at the pillow, and saw a wolf spider looking up at him. Heero picked the spider up and glared at it, and the arachnid got up on its three good legs and hobbled to the edge of Heero's hand where it jumped off and ran out the bedroom door.  
  
A few moments later, Duo ran into the room and jumped onto the bed, near tears. "Heero... There's a spider out there..." He said, looking up at Heero with his eyes as wide as he could manage to open them, and the most pitiful expression he could conjure up on his face. Heero sighed and left the room, returning a few moments later to inform Duo of the poor spiders demise. Duo thanked Heero and left the room allowing Heero to return to his laptop. About a half an hour later, Heero left the room and went to the kitchen. Mere seconds later, Duo heard him curse in another language, and wondered what was wrong. Duo went to the kitchen to investigate, and saw a large burn mark on Heeros face. "Holy shit! What happened?" Heero pointed at the microwave. "I was challenging myself by seeing if I could clean the microwave with my head, but a fork fell into it, and it somehow got turned on, and then..." Duo frowned. "Heero, are you sure you don't need any brain surgery?"  
  
Heero matched Duos frown and then replied by telling Duo that he had actually been trying to remove the chicken he had been cooking in the oven. "With your head?" Duo asked, not believing either of Heero's stories. "Well, when I pulled the chicken out, it slipped and fell on my head." Duo nodded his head. "Yeah, suuuuure..." Heero glared at Duo, and then ran from the room. Duo bit his lip, hoping he hadn't upset Heero, and followed his roommate. When Duo found Heero in the living room, he walked up to him and slapped him. "OW! Why'd you do that?" Duo shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, I... I... Hee...Ro... He...... Hello, Heero. I'm Satan." Heero fell backwards from shock. "Oh, no! Satan has possessed Duo!" Duo shook his head. "No, this is the second time I've possessed him. So I'm actually re-possessing him." Heero nodded his head. "Alright. Well, could you un-re-possess him?" Duo bit his lip, thinking hard, and then replied. "Only if you say 'pretty please.'" Heero reluctantly complied, and Satan left Duo's body.  
  
Duo saw something red on Heero's cheek, and gasped in horror. "Heero! You're bleeding! I... I'm sorry!" Heero reached up and wiped the red fluid from his face. "No it's just cat soup." "Cat soup?" Heero nodded his head. "Yup. That's what the bottle said." Duo shrugged his shoulders, and Heero left the room once again. "Where are you going now? Hey! Stop right there, young man! Alright, that's it, go to your room!" Duo followed Heero to the kitchen, where hisattention was drawn once again to the burn. "Aw, right, the burn... Hey, let me help you with that." Duo helped Heero tend to the wound, and Heero left the room yet again. "Would you stop that, already? I'm getting tired of following you around!" Duo shouted before going after Heero. Heero handed Duo a sack. "What's this?" Duo asked. "It's a sack. I bought you something. I saw it and thought of you. I don't know why, I just did."  
  
Duo asked Heero what it was, and Heero told him to open it and see for himself before leaving the room AGAIN and going to their bedroom, closing the door behind him. Duo reached into the sack and pulled out the item Heero had bought. It was a twin pack of ground coffee. It was Maxwell House coffee, and they called it a Duo Maxwell. "Hmmm... I wonder why this reminded Heero of me? Well, maybe I'll figure that out sometime or another..." Then Duo walked to their bedroom so he could put the coffee on their shared desk, so he could have some later. When he entered the room, Heero slammed his laptop shut. "Heero, you're going to..." Heero cut him off and said "Break it?" Duo shook his head. "No, you're going to give me a headache if you keep doing that, though. Hmmm... Hey, what're you typing?" Heero didn't answer, and Duo shrugged his shoulders, set down the coffee, and left the room. As soon as he heard Heero lift the top of the laptop, he ran back into the room, pointed at the laptop, and shouted "AHA!!!" Heero jumped into the air, whirled around, and glared at Duo.  
  
Heero turned around quickly and closed the laptop again, and ran from the room, telling Duo that he was going 'out' before leaving the apartment. Duo turned towards the laptop and jumped into the chair in front of it. He opened up the laptop and stared at the screen. There was a text file on the screen, and he started to read it. "Let's see... Something about Heero having a crush on me........ Here it says he thinks he loves me, doesn't care that I'm a guy, doesn't like the guys at work bragging about those damn women of theirs, doesn't think I love him back, thinks I probably don't swing that way, doesn't think it's natural for a guy to love another guy, mentions again that he loves me, doesn't have the guts to tell me how he feels, thinks that I think of him as a friend at most, thinks there's a slight chance that I might love him back, thinks that it's more probable that I would kick him out and say good riddance to bad trash while throwing his stuff out the window, too afraid to tell me his feelings for him, too afraid of that last outcome, wants to at least have my friendship, doesn't want to lose me even if he can't tell me he loves me, says he'd kill himself if he didn't at least have me as a friend, says he could be in a room with me and stare at me all day that's kinda creepy but really sweet, this is all really boring, hey what does this button do?" Duo clicked on a little button in the corner of the screen, and then the laptop began to make some rather odd noises that sounded somewhat like a telephone.  
  
A new window popped up on the screen, and Duo shrugged his shoulders and typed 'whatdoIdonow?'. Some text popped up informing him that that website did not exist, and suggested going to www.yahoo.com. He clicked the link, and then he was taken to the yahoo website. "Well, now what am I supposed to do? Stupid computer... Hey! What's that?" Duo clicked on the flashing envelope that had appeared, and then some more text appeared, informing Mr. Heero Yuy that he may have won a million dollar shopping spree. Duo deleted the new mail, and then looked back at some of Heero's old mail. "What!!! I can get a free pizza if I just tell my local pizza express that I was sent by Domino's Pizza to steal their secret recipes? Wow! I'll be sure to do that tonight." Then Duo clicked a few more buttons, did a little more typing, and then his mouth stretched into a grin unlike any other ever witnessed by any human being, and began to fill out forms.  
  
When Heero got back, he entered the bedroom he and Duo shared and found himself staring at a pile of cardboard boxes. "Duo? DUO? Where are you? What are all these boxes doing here?" Then Heero's eyes widened as he spotted Duo in the middle of the room, opening a box. "I bought all of this stuff on the internet with your credit card! Isn't it neat? I bought a new tv, a new cd player, a new yacht, the yacht's outside in case you were wondering, and..." Heero cut him off. "Duo? You... Used my laptop?" Duo nodded his head. "Yup." "Did you... Read any of the... Stuff I wrote?" Duo nodded his head. "Yeah I read all of it. It was kinda boring. But it was really sweet. By the way, I love you too, and... Uh... Since you now know I'm not going to kick you out, throw your stuff out the window, and say 'good riddance to bad trash'... You won't kill me when I tell you that you owe half a million dollars?" Heero glared at Duo. "You spent half a million dollars?" Duo nodded his head, and Heero's glare intensified. "Um... I love you, Heero..." Heero's glare didn't waver. "Uh... You're going to kill me, aren't you?" "That depends. Will there be a second chapter to this?" Duo nodded his head. "There has to be. The author wrote this at 4 AM. He couldn't possibly have done a very good job, so he has to make the second chapter really good to redeem himself and make it so that this fic isn't all that bad." Heero sighed, and kissed Duo. "Well, you get to live then." Duo smiled happily. "When the other stuff gets here, you'll owe about 5 million. Just thought I'd let you know." Heero's jaw dropped.  
  
*YAWN* Alrighty then. I'll write a second chapter later. It'll be better than the first, I promise. It'll have a guest appearance by a few other characters, too. My own creations, a parodized version of a combination of Gundam Wing and... Well, I'll shut up now, and go to sleep. Goodnight.... 


End file.
